Pinned toot
Pinned toot
Pinned toot

me: have I told you about my theory that heaven is exclusively populated by great apes because they were also made in god's image but were not born with original sin?

a cop: we meant a statement about all the crimes you committed

Pinned toot

Poor Sasquatch could not bear to stay
Around folks who're hornt every day
They all asked for lewds
In text that concludes
"Big feet? Well you know what they say..."

Pinned toot

me, from a parallel reality that's exactly the same except everyone says "what's the cream" instead of "what's up": so what's the cream with you

using illegal science to combine the DNA of Stephen Tobolowsky and Wallace Shawn to create a very specific type of guy

paying tribute to my ossified leige on this, the anniversary of his most powerful transformation

here's a pic from the day he was truly born

have a nice one @socialskeleton

paying tribute to my ossified leige on this, the anniversary of his most powerful transformation

here's a pic from the day he was truly born

have a nice one @socialskeleton

using illegal science to combine the DNA of Stephen Tobolowsky and Wallace Shawn to create a very specific type of guy

i refuse to die until a good fantasic four movie has been made.

I work in an office with six other people. everyone keeps their phones on silent/vibrate except for one woman who has unique rings on each of her three phones.

every time one of them goes off she says "is that me?"

folks I am dying

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Cฬฎอšอ‰ฬžฬผrฬณอ”ฬคฬฒyอ•ฬฑpอขฬฃฬฎtอ˜ฬฌฬ อ…ฬ™อ”iอขฬชฬฃdฬกฬฆฬคอ…ฬฏฬบฬฅsฬซฬ–ฬซอฬฃอ™ฬ— ฬฆฬซฬปOอœอ”ฬฉฬซฬ˜nฬงฬŸฬณฬฃฬปฬŸlฬธอˆฬ–อฬฅฬณอ™iฬฑอ™ฬ˜neฬถฬ ฬ˜ฬฅอš

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