Pinned toot
Pinned toot

me: have I told you about my theory that heaven is exclusively populated by great apes because they were also made in god's image but were not born with original sin?

a cop: we meant a statement about all the crimes you committed

Pinned toot

Poor Sasquatch could not bear to stay
Around folks who're hornt every day
They all asked for lewds
In text that concludes
"Big feet? Well you know what they say..."

Pinned toot
Pinned toot

You think just because I'm sitting on this tree trunk, playing the banjo in the middle of a forest I have a good tale to tell you? You think I know something relevant to your journey? Maybe I'm just waiting for my raccoon husband. Dumbass

psa Show more

"You! You there!" he shouted to a boy on the street. "What day is this?"

The boy gave Scrooge a puzzled look. "It's 4/20, sir. 4/20 morning."

"Good! I haven't missed it. Here, lad." Scrooge rummaged in his dresser drawer and pulled out a bag of money. He tossed a handful of coins to the boy and said, "There's a big, dank bud in the dispensary window at the end of the street. Buy it and deliver it to Bob Crachit's house."

PSA: the number of people who donโ€™t disinfect their phones is mind boggling to me. Like truly absurd. They are a petri dish for everything you touch and I bet you use it on the toilet. Please! Clean them! I wipe mine down every day!

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A small, private instance where a few cryptids may roam and play. Seek, but fear. The whole thing was birthed in a Denny's in 2016.