Pinned toot
Pinned toot
Pinned toot

me: have I told you about my theory that heaven is exclusively populated by great apes because they were also made in god's image but were not born with original sin?

a cop: we meant a statement about all the crimes you committed

Pinned toot

Poor Sasquatch could not bear to stay
Around folks who're hornt every day
They all asked for lewds
In text that concludes
"Big feet? Well you know what they say..."

Pinned toot

bald eagle: weak chirping noises, found all over canada, flees from danger using cowardly wings, maxes out at 14 pounds, bald, solitary

american bison: bellows mightily, technically found in canada too but has "american" in the name, headbutts danger with its mighty skull, hefty 2,200 pound max weight, big afro, has fun with friends

putting my body in a new idea and mailing it to fucking earth

the best way ive ever seen dune explained is "imagine if maryland was in space and old bay gave you superpowers"

Good afternoon. I am gonna take a shower and get ready for a date this evening. I know it's a bit cliche, but I'm gonna wear flannel because it is the first day of a cold front and I finally can. Let's hope she likes cowboy boots and plaid, am I right fellas?

nobody, including gorons, knows how gorons reproduce

sometimes there's just a baby that appears and they all go "oooah! lil brother!" and raise him

@EdgarAllanFoe if you accept the goron way into your heart youโ€™ll become one if you want. Thatโ€™s how they reproduce. Every goron was once like you or me

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