I’ve never wanted to “blue skadoo, you can too” into a photo so much in my life

I left for 2 weeks and Mastodon cultivated a new breed of weird. Once again, I shall retreat into the darkness

Somehow I am never emotionally ready for the tl after 9 PM. Good work friends

We got a Venus Fly Trap and...

A. Her name is Helen
B. Mr. Squid is searching the house trying to find bugs to feed her

Men’s 6-in-1 Shampoo/Conditioner/Body Wash/Hand Lotion/Toothpaste/Protein Shake

Give the Masto Twitter account to the skeleton. I will bring untold glory upon the brow of my countrypersons. @Gargron

I fooled you. I fooled you.

I got baking soda. I got all baking soda.

Lmao gab is now on Masto and claims almost a million users but I ain't heard shit about it because they were suspended by every reputable instance weeks ago.

The epic thing is they can still see my posts, I just can't see theirs. How's that echo chamber, guys?? What's that? I can't hear you!!!

When you see the name “Niles” do you read it in Frasier’s voice or Fran Fine’s?

Just chugged a Mtn Dew Baja Blast through my bleached, beautiful asshole

I have a new addiction. Pickle flavored chips. Do it, just try them

Scared of burglars? Crank Thrift Shop to max volume and wait for the ghosts to protect you 💫

I liked ONE teacher related post a teammate tagged me in on Facebook and now they WONT STOP TAGGING.

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of watching the sunrise from your boat, with your two beautiful, precious, cherubic sons, and also your third son, Jeffrey, who’s just okay.

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A small, private instance where a few cryptids may roam and play. Seek, but fear. The whole thing was birthed in a Denny's in 2016.