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My hobbies include:

bees
pestilence
horny on main
:valid:
cryptids
bees II, the sequel to bees
gamer
shitposting on mastodon dot com
hoarse voice
horse voice
smile emoji
bees 3: electric beegaloo
biological slime

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what if you jerked off and then I came Show more

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Quick P.S.A. for all you lovelies out there ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ’› ๐Ÿ˜

if any of you ๐Ÿ‘‰ EVER ๐Ÿ•› want to subsumed into me ๐Ÿคณ , the evergrowing ๐Ÿ˜ƒ swarm of bees ๐Ÿ (currently at 60001 ๐Ÿคฏ and counting โž•) just send us ๐Ÿ a DM :hornt_licking_lips: and we'll see what we ๐Ÿ can do ๐Ÿ˜ for you ๐Ÿ˜ซ

i really glad mastodon has hashtags so we can dunk on people who use hashtags

retail cryptid: there are two $100 bills in your register, and every other denomination is exactly at start-of-day supply

I really admire lesbian love on this site. Itโ€™s always like โ€œomg I love my girlfriend uwu ๐Ÿ’• and if anyone has a fUCKING PROBLEM WITH THAT I WILL PERSONALLY STAB THEMโ€

you pronounce "egg" หˆeg-g because it thas two "g"s in it

gender revealing lasagna, no I'm not kidding Show more

Any random phrase can be a joke format if you're not a coward

My favorite joke format is "any x can be a yx if you're not a coward"

"I want them to kiss" is honestly my immediate response to any "x v y, who would win" scenario, because someone made this joke on a message board 15 years ago and then we kept reflexively making it on every poll until it just burrowed into my brain

And now... You will be my thesis. Have at you!

While you were off chasing cuties and having fun, I was working on my doctorate in Blade Studies.

know what website sucks?

all of them

there are no good websites

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Cฬฎอšอ‰ฬžฬผrฬณอ”ฬคฬฒyอ•ฬฑpอขฬฃฬฎtอ˜ฬฌฬ อ…ฬ™อ”iอขฬชฬฃdฬกฬฆฬคอ…ฬฏฬบฬฅsฬซฬ–ฬซอฬฃอ™ฬ— ฬฆฬซฬปOอœอ”ฬฉฬซฬ˜nฬงฬŸฬณฬฃฬปฬŸlฬธอˆฬ–อฬฅฬณอ™iฬฑอ™ฬ˜neฬถฬ ฬ˜ฬฅอš

A small, private instance where a few cryptids may roam and play. Seek, but fear. The whole thing was birthed in a Denny's in 2016.