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so i guess the point of all of this creep talk isn't to say that we need to ostracize these villains for their dastardly deeds, i want everyone to think about why perrine deleted her account. she got NO support.

it took me and a bunch of other people to get anyone to actually admit there was a problem.

i know people saw her thread and i know she didn't get the kind of support she needed from people in that discord server or on here.

she deleted her account because of how alone she felt.

support is NOT a DM saying "i'm so sorry this happened but i will not risk anything of my own to help!!! uwu"

support is NOT asking what happened, asking for receipts.

support is NOT avoiding the topic altogether because you're scared to lose friends

you can't only be there half the time and still sleep well at night

why does someone have to provide something of value for people to value their opinion on this site?

why did it take people we like collectively saying something to have this discussion?

what kind of fucked leftist ideology do we have if the only time we can support people is when it's convenient or "worth it" to us personally?

quit focusing on the people doing the shit for a second. think about how scary it is, how nerve-wracking it is to actually speak up.

perrine made a brave move because nobody else would and people i consider my friends actively antagonized her because of her tone. how the fuck do i reconcile that with her, with myself?

let me clarify: it's definitely not about me. it's about what i'm choosing to do after learning that this shit happened

and it's not about your fucking feelings regarding how victims speak up! seriously, who makes that decision

@gayalien tbh I have no idea what support is, if I don't have an existing relationship with the person wronged. I'm not going to attack people (not implying that you do), and I'm not going to try to offer my cis white dude opinion (which, similar to a fast food coupon, has a value of 1/50 of one cent) unsolicited. I try to boost the call-out posts to make sure people see them, and if someone is asking what happened (and I actually know) I may fill them in in a private reply.

@robotcarsley honestly boosts are the best thing you can do if you're not in a situation where your friend is the one being a piece of shit!!!

@robotcarsley this probably isn't 100% factual but i mean, what the hell else can you really do

@gayalien @robotcarsley yeah this is a good point. the most crucial people are the ones who are somewhat friends with the uhh perp, regardless of whether they're friends with the victim

like if someone unrelated to a bad guy comes at them i don't think it's gonna have much effect, even if it's many of them it doesn't really matter as long as their friends all defend and support them

@gayalien @robotcarsley i guess just having a lot of people against the perp has an exclusionary effect, shrinks their sphere of influence, but they're not really being forced to confront what they did

@em @gayalien @robotcarsley so the ideal is someone's friend does the work of calling them in in private and in a day or two the someone can get a well formed apology together and in a long while the someone shows they've changed?

@Jewbacchus @em @robotcarsley ideally they will understand what they did was wrong when someone they respect challenges them on it. i think we're saying the apology is nice but an apology without any change, anyone helping create the change is just another manipulation

@gayalien Gosh, I didn't realize that...I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes conversations get mixed in with everything else and it's hard to hear when someone is actually having a serious situation.

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